last night my husband and i had dinner with a dear friend and her dad. after a quick catch up, we started talking about family and relationships. as we’re newlyweds and on our way to being new parents, we find ourselves having these types of conversations often. but last night our friend’s father, a very intelligent and intentional man, told us a simple yet profound principle neither of us had ever heard before. he said, he believes the best relationships are truly 60/40. and that if you practice that 50/50 thing, “you’ve got one foot in the ground.” i’ll do my best to explain… he wasn’t saying partners aren’t equals (all the feminists in the room sit down, it’s fine), he was simply saying each person should practice giving 60%. instead of that ol’ 50/50 motto of ensuring things remain “fair” and “even” by tracking our individual contributions and pay offs, we focus on increasing our give quotient. if we shift our perspective and implement this simple practice, we’ll be alright. it’s as simple as that. i imagine that if each partner abides by this golden relationship rule as consistently as possible, it would make for quite the solid foundation, don’t you think? i know that my husband and i both lit up when we heard this so i’m sure it’s something we’ll be paying a lot more attention to. at the end of the day we’re talking about a relationship built on 120% of giving. i like the sound of those odds. i have to say, i didn’t have an awesome dad growing up and we don’t exactly hang out now, so i really appreciate conversations like the one i had last night. it’s always fun to talk with someone so smart and insightful, especially about such important pieces of life. but it’s especially a treat to sit and talk to a really awesome father and husband. to hear him talk about the “rewards” of raising/having two great kids, the lessons and practices of his own experience, and the fundamental truths he’s learned about partnership…it’s something i truly appreciate.
i only wish i would’ve recorded the conversation. seriously guys, gems were dropped. i could (and might) write like, five more posts just about the things i gained from this conversation over hummus and chicken.
what gems has someone shared with you about relationships? who was it? do you find yourself more open when it’s someone who’s lived a bit longer than you? share away!