in the event of an earthquake…

specifically, my LA friends:

if/when an earthquake hits, call 911 and have them meet you at my apartment. i will most likely be in the hall closet with the door closed, look there first. inform EMS that aside from the pill, i’m on no other medication. i will be unable to speak. please look away while i clean myself up and change my pants. keep all suitcases and travel websites away from me for at least 72 hours, as i will attempt to get on the first thing smokin’ outta here. make sure i have some essentials like eggs, green tea and netflix. i will not leave home for quite some time.

also, if you could please stay in constant contact with my mother, that’d be great. she can sense the crazy in my voice so i should not be allowed to speak to her until my nerves have calmed. thanks, guys.

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