yea, yea, i know. it’s been a while and i suck.
i’ve been itching to post everything from family holiday plans, to Judah cuteness, to recent architectural obsessions (really, guys, i’m “let’s design a house” crazed)… but i haven’t. why? well, a couple reasons:
1. i’m still figuring out this new mom thing. meaning, i spend most of my day with Judah. and he’s pretty needy. as he should be, he’s a baby. i don’t have the kind of concentrated time in front of a computer like i used to. and blogging takes more time than i ever realized (seriously, blogging takes mad time, y’all). i know that most moms would just hire a babysitter for a few hours a day, but i’m avoiding that as long as i can. i’m so, so fortunate to have this precious time with my little guy. so, this is, by no means, a complaint. in the moments i do have, i’ve managed to get some other work done – breathing life into projects i’m very excited about – further leaving little time for blogging. a quick post about hair, fine. writing anything beyond that is a bit trickier since i usually take much more time with my thoughts. which brings me to #2…
2. i haven’t felt right about writing anything here without first commenting on the events surrounding the deaths of Mike Brown and Eric Garner and the overall state of the country. i’ve written many things, in moments before passing out at 9pm or quick quiet moments while Judah naps, or moments i’m so overcome with emotional turmoil after reading an article i saw on a now unfriended friend’s Facebook page; but there’s just too much to say. the truth is, my thoughts about both those cases, the issue of police accountability, and the larger conversation re: “race” in America could never be summed up in a blog post. my life’s work maybe, but not a blog post i had 27 minute increments to write. (Judah is napping for 40mins tops lately. i call them crap naps and i think they’re payback for not letting him eat my hair.)
i might be super lame, pulling the new mom card. but, i’m working on figuring out my mom-wife-creative-dialogue pusher balance and i’m super grateful i even have that option. there are a lot of in-progress projects happening right now and i’m hoping as Judah gets older and i get better at this thing of ushering a new being into existence, i will create a schedule for myself that allows me to be present for him while juggling my many to-dos and creative work. i’m close, i can feel it. i’ve already blocked out some quality time with my laptop this week. progress.
as for my thoughts on the happenings of the last few months – you know, the complete disregard of justice and social responsibility, and the tragic, senseless deaths of these (and many other) men – i just haven’t been able to compose my thoughts enough to write them here. i want to write many things. as i’ve said many things. i’ve had rants, heated discussions, and engaged in too many comment section back-n-forths. i call myself a dialogue pusher, because i am. a few years ago i created a company and .org to do just that. so while there is some shame in not having something to write here, i have been using every other free moment (see #1) to work on relaunching brownbaby.org. what was a slow-going process of giving the ol’ .org a perspective and aesthetic makeover, restructuring the business side a bit, and carefully developing new content, has turned into a more urgent call to action. so, stay tuned. i very much plan to create some serious dialogue. if not for the masses, for my beautiful brown son and his future. #dontbelievemejustwatch
so, here i am. figuring it all out and taking some of the pressure off myself. if i want to talk about winter nail polish, i will. if i want to jump behind a fellow dialogue pusher, i will. cool? cool.
what have you guys been up to? i’m excited to get back to regular posts. anything you’d like to see posted? give me all your suggestions! hope everyone is having a wonderful 2015!