over the weekend, Akeem and i watched an episode of Super Soul Sunday with guests Rob + Kristen Bell. not this Kristen Bell, this one. they were discussing their new book, The ZimZum of Love: A New Way of Understanding Marriage. i love watching stuff like this. while i feel pretty grounded in my understanding and appreciation of our current evolvement as a couple, i’m always open to hearing the ideas and experiences of others; for the purpose of spiritual growth. and honestly, they had me at Zimzum.
from the authors’ site:
Zimzum is a Hebrew term where God, in order to have a relationship with the world, contracts, creating space for the creation to exist. In marriage, zimzum is the dynamic energy field between two partners, in which each person contracts to allow the other to flourish. Mastering this field, this give and take of energy, is the secret to what makes marriage flourish.
cool idea, huh? a while back i wrote about something called the 60/40 rule. and i think this is a very similar idea. which is interesting, i think. a pattern even, that i keep receiving these messages. i consider my marriage to be sacred space and i think there’s something very magical about that. the energy that exists between us is something to be spiritually fed, highly honored, and fiercely protected. this i know. but this concept, Zimzum, is a new and interesting way, much like the 60/40 rule, of understanding how to consistently nuture that space.
this Zimzum (yea, i’m going to use it as often as possible) idea speaks to the best parts of myself. the parts that aren’t concerned with living in survival/protective mode and instead embrace my innate vulnerability and empathy. that by “contracting” – not to be confused with living small or meek, but more a letting go of ego-habits and the “relationship scorecard” – i actually create space for my partner to flourish. an idea that seems easy in the more lovey-dovey moments, not so much when there’s friction. so, for a better grasp, i think of the applicable translation for those times. and i get these two phrases:
1. “i’m listening. what do you need?” and 2. “help me see what you see and why you see it that way.” (<–both of these were mentioned in the SuperSoulSunday episode.)
something else they mentioned – a major and oftentimes overlooked benefit of the above mentioned – is that by viewing things this way, you recognize that you’re getting is an extra set of eyes. an additional perspective and understanding of…well, everything. one you may disagree with at times, and that’s fine, but an entirely different way of seeing the world. how great is that?
my most favorite take away from this concept is how it requires us to return to our intention (<–this also just so happens to be my most favorite word). by removing that damaging scorecard we create space where our partner and the relationship can grow and thrive, and in turn consistently establish a safe place for an honest and loving exchange. a partnership built on the foundation of wanting the best for your partner (and vice versa)? yea, i’m in.
what do you think of Zimzum? is this something you and your partner practice? what are some consistent practices in your own relationship? what do you think of the idea of “contracting to allow the other to flourish” or the 60/40 rule? do you think of your relationship as having energy? if so, do you consider it to be sacred energy? and how do you feed it?