don’t get me wrong, being pregnant with my first child is pretty awesome. considering some of the horror stories i’ve heard, i think i’ve actually had a pretty easy go of things. yes, it has very significant sucky points. and i’m terrified about my belly’s ability to keep up with what feels like the biggest baby in the history of history, but it’s kinda magical. and i’m sure i’ll never get over the feeling of this little alien moving around inside me. so, don’t go judging this list or me for writing it. i’m just keeping it real (do people say that anymore?), and sharing a few things i have a new appreciation for, this many weeks into the best and sometimes most difficult time of my life.
now that i’ve laid enough positive groundwork, 10 things i miss about me, pre-preggo:
1. core strength. if there were a fire and i was sitting on a deep-seated sofa, one of my favorite places to sit, i would for sure die in said fire. because it would take me 20 minutes to get off that sofa. because i’ve lost the ability to engage my core enough to cause actual movement. this also lets me know i was entirely too dependent on my core strength and should’ve been honing areas like balance and agility. note taken. b-t-dubs, i still have 2 months of belly-growing to go, so this will for sure get worse.
2. sleep. it just doesn’t happen anymore. i just want to sleep on my back without the fear of having a coronary or choking mid-R.E.M. sleep and dying. yes, dying. from rolling over the wrong way and laying for too long. or the fear of crushing my baby, this little soul who’s just asking me to keep him alive, who’s waking me up every time he moves. or the five thousand times i have to get up to pee in a span of eight hours, because like i mentioned in #1, it’s next to impossible to just. get. up.
midday naps are saving my life right now.
3. food. i know what you’re thinking. you’re all… “i thought preggo chicks ate so much”…and yes, you’re sometimes right. but it’s about what we’re not allowed to eat. certain cheeses, deli meats, most seafood, and CAFFEINE, which by the way, is in everything. even chocolate, and that’s just fucked up. not to mention, all the stuff that might make this habitual acid reflux worse. and while i’m not a big drinker, it’s just cruel to put a woman’s body thru all this and then tell her she can’t have a draaank.
4. speed. i’m slow. i’m so, so slow.
5. multitasking. i will never again take advantage of the beautiful ability to do more than one thing at once. i used to be the person who could read an article, cook a meal, clean up anything from a story to a mess of dishes, all while carrying on a conversation that i could undoubtedly repeat verbatim afterwards. pregnancy brain is real and it should have it’s own D.A.R.E.-like campaign.
6. bending. no matter how many times i go to bend over and get abruptly stopped by my belly, i never learn. i just keep trying to put on my shoes, rub lotion on my legs, and pick things up, each time forgetting how badly i will regret it. i’ll either grunt in pain, gag on acidic grossness, or sometimes…i just fall. that’s right, fall. which leads me to…
7. balance. i’ve never been a clumsy person. until now. i’m a bit on the small side, always have been. i’m no waif, but i’m shorter than 5’6” and i’ve weighed basically the same thing since high school. so having a giant 20+ lbs. weight strapped to the front of me and bras that are too tight, for the first time EVER, has taken some getting used to. i’m front heavy and perpetually off-balance. and i don’t always hit the mark. as a matter a fact, if there were an actual mark, i’d bet our baby registry that i couldn’t hit it.
8. breathing. apparently, it’s totally healthy to not breathe the last few months of pregnancy. i keep googling it, waiting to read something that says i’m doing everything wrong and if i just sit/stand/move/exist this other way, i’ll be able to breathe again. but nope, not happening. babies are super human weirdos who suck away all our breath, energy and nutrients and somehow we survive it. and love the shit out of those little monsters anyway.
9. “frontal action”? now, don’t get me wrong. i’m probably most proud of my ability to keep it pretty active in the “physical love” department (yes, i’m 87 and wrote “physical love”), but it’s the simple things that are so, so hard. like hugging (or any other physicality in the face to face position). i miss being able to nestle my whole body in my husband’s arms. things take a bit more strategy now. and cuddling? there should be a manual there are so many steps. i get some pain somewhere, he misplaces an arm and i can’t breathe again, i’m laying on the wrong side and we have to start over. it’s pretty hilarious, really. we manage, but oh the luxury of being able to just curl up in his arms, or pretzel myself around him and fall asleep. though i must say, trading a few weeks of pretzel sleeps is totally worth seeing him light up in a way i’ve never seen the first time he felt his son kick.
10. miscellaneous. okay, i lied. i could only come up with 9 things. but who wants to click on a list of 9 things? exactly. so here is a compilation of some honorable mentions: doing what i want. i can’t do shit – ride a bike, jump on a trampoline, jump at all — i’m bubble girl. energy. i’m tired all the time. like now, it’s kicking my ass to finish this post just because my eyes have been open too long. waistbands. (or having a waist at all?) i’d kill to wear my favorite jean shorts. i’d even rock a belt, just ’cause i can. metabolism-dependence. things are getting mushy and i’m becoming concerned. not being afraid of every choice. everything i do, eat, feel, say affects this amazing little being who i want nothing more than to protect. and making choices for two is a breeding ground for doubt, fear and anxiety.
so yea, plenty of things i miss, but so many things that make every one of them worth it and then some. but that’s another list, for another day, when my feet aren’t the size of Shrek’s.
what do you miss about your pre-preggo self? or guys, love to hear your thoughts, in this free-of-judgement space.